I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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