I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
