umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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