umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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