he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
