dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
