I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
