i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
