Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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