Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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