No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
