hotel room ftw
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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