she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
