its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
