the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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