therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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