i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Barsexuality is the new black.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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