dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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