capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
