4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
