For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
