And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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