I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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