I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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