i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize