I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
