How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
