I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
