If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
