OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
