Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
