I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize