There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
