I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
