just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
