I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
