physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
