I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
