So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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