Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
