On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
