Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
