Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
