ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
