In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
