I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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