Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
