I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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