Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize