guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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