That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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