This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
