Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you made out with another girl for some wings
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
