Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize