we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
