she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
