Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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