I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
