drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize