we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
