Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
