You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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