Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
