what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
ok first of all what the fuck
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
