oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize