I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
