everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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