so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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