Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
