That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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