take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
