if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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