dude i'm inner monologue high
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize