Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
