Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
