Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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