dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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