you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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